hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize