I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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