I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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