Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
