Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
