Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize