He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
