Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we're making bets on your personal life
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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