I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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