he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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