Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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