He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
