You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize