so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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