Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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