It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
