Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
