I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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