So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
