If that was your dad, he is hot
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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