this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
