I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
