She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
