I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
