What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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