tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
