Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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