one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wish you could order shots online.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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