this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I stole a fireplace last night.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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