Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
