you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
