Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
