I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She told me I should be a condom model.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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