It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
