i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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