I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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