In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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