K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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