i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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