I just made out with a guy for $7.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
