also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
