Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
