i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
