I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
