Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
