Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
