You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
