All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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