never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
