just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize