Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
