i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
