Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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