i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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