I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
