I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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