Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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