hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
