glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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