I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
