me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
