I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
