i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
