I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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