I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
