Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
