I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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