my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
