"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
