Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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