He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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