what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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