Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
