omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i was born a porn star she said
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
