he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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