How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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