I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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